This doesn't always make sense, in fact you might say that it literally is part of the clinical definition of insanity.
But the next big thing in my life is ..."just around the bend".
Of course it's been said simplistically that clinical insanity is partly defined as doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. Which is only part of the definition but the part that is often quoted the most.
I guess what I am really talking about are these cycles of hope that I seem to live off of day after day.
Continuous faith (no other word can describe this) that better things are coming.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Podcasti stuff, 4 hours...
Basically my day was a bunch of meeting this morning then social media iNet stuff. Then I get a call about doing podcasts, how much are they etc etc. I thought ok, mic, mixer, streaming service, video, editing, etc. $2-5k depending on the equipment...then I did more research...NOPE $100.00 for bare bones...Yeah I need to do the podcast for myself like right now...
Got 4 hours of sleep in the middle of the day, no sleep last night...working/writing all night. AAAAnd I feel great.
Got 4 hours of sleep in the middle of the day, no sleep last night...working/writing all night. AAAAnd I feel great.
Guts and a Bright Futue
Right now I am really glad I have this blog. Even though not many people are reading it, it's still getting done. Someday I hope some of all of this means something. It's strange, but ten years ago I firmly believed that the only proof I existed was the hand written novel outlines I had in a backpack that I was wondering through some California deserts with. Yes I was homeless, not for a super long time, but I was in a really bad way for several years. No, not drugs or Alcohol, it was just how my life was going at the time. The specter of that time in my life always haunts me. My test of guts.
It's like I know it can happen, because it did, so it can happen again.
Yet I feel like I am fighting constantly to...evolve. Change is not a big enough word. My situation, my place in life must get better. So, I am sacrificing constantly, every day. Everyday what I am making is what I believe is steady, incremental movement towards that permanent life evolution that makes it so the homeless time of wandering wont' happen again. At least as much as anyone can control that.
This is the crazy part, the thing that is keeping me up.
It's over.
I did it, it just hasn't kicked in yet.
I put together a team and we have found some things that are going to change everything for us. And no, it's not one movie that is going to save the day. Yes I still work in that business, and yes I have movies/tv shows that are in my future. But this is something else.
I can't actually say specifically what it is, just that my team is continuing its Vett and we maybe on a 3 month window to permanent evolution.
The absolutely nuts part of this part is that so many other things are going crazy right now and could be seen as bad. More than that, whats really cool. Is that I am juggling a ton of different stress, and stressed out people. 6 months ago got me prepared for this time. I am growing and learning so much and it's paying off almost every week.
I am leading multiple teams, and groups of people through several different things. From business to family issues(that have never ever come up before, too strange.)
On the bad side, I don't live in my own house, I have no car, I have a suspended license, my cell phone is about to be shut off, and my girlfriend now lives 2 hours away from me. Cell phone is the latest thing, but I have a feeling that's going to be remedied soon. Everything else has been an issue that has been workable for months now. The girlfriend and I just had our 2 year anniversary and I couldn't be happier. Distance is being worked out! This bad side stuff is going to super gone in three months, I am fairly confident if not then very soon after that time frame.
All of this stuff is banging around in my head and I should be freaking out, but I just am not. I keep thinking about the color of the carpet in the office I am going to have...(am chuckling as I write this) I really want to do the Ogilvy &Mather classic English Red...maybe a deeper maroon...who knows. What a silly thing to keep you up until 4am.
When they ask me what the first thing I did was when this all happened, I will say "Got new carpet"
Wow, now I can't sleep because I want to get to work...
Why not, the future is really bright and so is this sunrise.
It's like I know it can happen, because it did, so it can happen again.
Yet I feel like I am fighting constantly to...evolve. Change is not a big enough word. My situation, my place in life must get better. So, I am sacrificing constantly, every day. Everyday what I am making is what I believe is steady, incremental movement towards that permanent life evolution that makes it so the homeless time of wandering wont' happen again. At least as much as anyone can control that.
This is the crazy part, the thing that is keeping me up.
It's over.
I did it, it just hasn't kicked in yet.
I put together a team and we have found some things that are going to change everything for us. And no, it's not one movie that is going to save the day. Yes I still work in that business, and yes I have movies/tv shows that are in my future. But this is something else.
I can't actually say specifically what it is, just that my team is continuing its Vett and we maybe on a 3 month window to permanent evolution.
The absolutely nuts part of this part is that so many other things are going crazy right now and could be seen as bad. More than that, whats really cool. Is that I am juggling a ton of different stress, and stressed out people. 6 months ago got me prepared for this time. I am growing and learning so much and it's paying off almost every week.
I am leading multiple teams, and groups of people through several different things. From business to family issues(that have never ever come up before, too strange.)
On the bad side, I don't live in my own house, I have no car, I have a suspended license, my cell phone is about to be shut off, and my girlfriend now lives 2 hours away from me. Cell phone is the latest thing, but I have a feeling that's going to be remedied soon. Everything else has been an issue that has been workable for months now. The girlfriend and I just had our 2 year anniversary and I couldn't be happier. Distance is being worked out! This bad side stuff is going to super gone in three months, I am fairly confident if not then very soon after that time frame.
All of this stuff is banging around in my head and I should be freaking out, but I just am not. I keep thinking about the color of the carpet in the office I am going to have...(am chuckling as I write this) I really want to do the Ogilvy &Mather classic English Red...maybe a deeper maroon...who knows. What a silly thing to keep you up until 4am.
When they ask me what the first thing I did was when this all happened, I will say "Got new carpet"
Wow, now I can't sleep because I want to get to work...
Why not, the future is really bright and so is this sunrise.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Downswing days
On a day like today it is important to keep perspective. It would appear on the surface by looking at the raw happenings of the morning that things have an negative bend to them.
Family issue's from last night that are states away that only I seem to be able to piece together solutions to....by pushing others to keep on caring and not saying the old "pray and walk away".
Professionally one of my directors once again getting physically upset that things are not stellar good news, just more business BS. Don't get me wrong I get it. It drives me crazy as well. I have some different reasons why it's driving me nuts in addition to the natural "we have good profitable product, and no one is buying" frustration.
Some people are already banking on my good fortune to help them (which is fine, I get that too) so every time nothing happens it is longer that people that are suffering needlessly in my mind are continuing to do so.
My health is going up and down, now I have some sort of serious un-diagnosed allergy that causes my tongue to swell up in my mouth while I am sleeping...joy. Yes, have been to a doctor, going to a specialist as soon as money allows. ER bills hurray!!
While I am writing this...no joke, collection agents super aggressive phone call on the phone that normally I don't pick up but picked it up because of the work I am doing now. When it rains it snows sometimes. Wow, got my heart rate up.
That's exactly the kind of thing I am talking about, that guy on the phone I could have just hung up on. Didn't have to engage, for some reason I engaged and he got me to get into an argument. Not the right move on my part, but I let my downswing effect keeping my eye on the ball(prize).
When I started this post, I had a positive buzz and was determined to move through the negative energy that was being spewed about at the creative breakfast I had this morning. Not all the directors, mostly circumstances that didn't equal result all around the table making for a bad vibe. People in the restaurant even where grumpy.
The point is!!!!
In baseball you don't connect with the ball on the downswing, so there is 'zero' chance to hit the ball at that point, so naturally your only focus should be at the most likely point to contact the ball to make some sort of hit, if your going to hit it at all.
Your downswing can effect where you swing, so where your connect and your likely hood to get a hit/homer. So it's important, if you start your downswing thinking your gonna wiff it, %99.9999 of the time you will. No matter how it feels you can't judge the swing as the batter until that bat is over the opposite shoulder, hit, homer or strike. The mentality before the upswing has gotta stay positive. Statistically your just more likely to connect!!
Family issue's from last night that are states away that only I seem to be able to piece together solutions to....by pushing others to keep on caring and not saying the old "pray and walk away".
Professionally one of my directors once again getting physically upset that things are not stellar good news, just more business BS. Don't get me wrong I get it. It drives me crazy as well. I have some different reasons why it's driving me nuts in addition to the natural "we have good profitable product, and no one is buying" frustration.
Some people are already banking on my good fortune to help them (which is fine, I get that too) so every time nothing happens it is longer that people that are suffering needlessly in my mind are continuing to do so.
My health is going up and down, now I have some sort of serious un-diagnosed allergy that causes my tongue to swell up in my mouth while I am sleeping...joy. Yes, have been to a doctor, going to a specialist as soon as money allows. ER bills hurray!!
While I am writing this...no joke, collection agents super aggressive phone call on the phone that normally I don't pick up but picked it up because of the work I am doing now. When it rains it snows sometimes. Wow, got my heart rate up.
That's exactly the kind of thing I am talking about, that guy on the phone I could have just hung up on. Didn't have to engage, for some reason I engaged and he got me to get into an argument. Not the right move on my part, but I let my downswing effect keeping my eye on the ball(prize).
When I started this post, I had a positive buzz and was determined to move through the negative energy that was being spewed about at the creative breakfast I had this morning. Not all the directors, mostly circumstances that didn't equal result all around the table making for a bad vibe. People in the restaurant even where grumpy.
The point is!!!!
In baseball you don't connect with the ball on the downswing, so there is 'zero' chance to hit the ball at that point, so naturally your only focus should be at the most likely point to contact the ball to make some sort of hit, if your going to hit it at all.
Your downswing can effect where you swing, so where your connect and your likely hood to get a hit/homer. So it's important, if you start your downswing thinking your gonna wiff it, %99.9999 of the time you will. No matter how it feels you can't judge the swing as the batter until that bat is over the opposite shoulder, hit, homer or strike. The mentality before the upswing has gotta stay positive. Statistically your just more likely to connect!!
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