Mission Accomplished

No matter how long it takes it's worth it if the goal is achieved. 

(I know that sounds really cliche' but it holds value)

It's been about 8 years since I moved from where I was living to Chicago. In that time I have set up for myself many things that I wanted to pursue that I think it is important to reflect on in terms of success and failure. 

When I got to Illinois I had about $60.00 in my pocket. A spare room to live in, two suit cases, a backpack, the clothes on my back, and nothing else. 

Now this is a pretty good start I will admit. Better than some. It was certainly better than where I came from in 2007. Where I had my back pack, a gym bag and sleeping under the desert sky. 

I left LA with a failed attempt at a 4 million dollar feature film that we (the director and I) had hoped to team up with David Duchovny for. Did I mention it was 2007? Not the best economy for film investments, our investors saw the writing on the wall. We didn't, I lost everything. Not just because of the film, I had a car accident, lost my job, got evicted all in less than 6 months. By 2008 I was homeless off and on with now prospects for film, now job, now no car (which I used to live in when it got bad.), so I traveled looking for work and living on a wing and a prayer. 

I landed not very long after leaving in Chicago. When I got off the train it was summer and the warm breeze coming off of Lake Michigan hit me like an epiphany as I stepped out of Millennium station. I was home. 

It's hard to explain but I knew right then that I would have a very special relationship with this city and I felt like anything was possible. I fell in love right away with downtown.

In the next three years I would have more success in the film industry than the previous three in LA. It's not that I won an Oscar or anything. But, I do feel like I truly got started in the industry when I got to Chicago.
Within a two months I had a job at a grocery store and was an extra in two big features and a TV show. I also started taking a film class at the local community college.  

My first major job on a big film crew was given to me by Michael Bay himself. A friend of mine and I held up a cardboard sign that said "Film Students, will PA 4 Credit". Bay and his producer Ian Brice loved the sign and gave us jobs. That was a really good beginning, I worked for 11 days on Transformers 3 and did everything I could get my hands on in terms of PA work. Two things worked against me, I still lived two hours out in the suburbs and I had a hold on my drivers license from my car accident in LA. 

In 2013 my friend from film school who held the sign with me got an apartment together. Finally downtown just a block from the "Red line" and a block from the beach.

Now I am still single and my career kind of hits a ceiling, then I have a really good couple of month's in the middle of 2014 I come off of a huge feature film and roll right into a spot full time on a TV show. It's amazing...

Yes, I had some rough stuff at the end of that year, BUT I found the love of my life, woman I am still with and I spent the last two years indie producing. I still was alone relatively speaking in the city. An aunt and uncle in their 60's super religious that support me but not the industry so much that I am in. It's good but still pretty solo.

I bring this up because it's important to understand what having a support system means. When you live in your hometown, and you stay connected to the people you grew up with, you have your networks network. It often seems like things just "work themselves out" or, "work hard and the right thing will show up". Which is true, mostly because you have a sphere of influence that supports you one way or the other when thing's that are challenges show up.

Now subtract that, move, and have something show up. It's a very very very different set of challenges, even though they are the same challenges.


Right now, I am for the first time sitting next to a family member of my immediate family, teaching the how to blog. The value of writing is huge in my family, I have 5 blogs that no one reads...but I love it still. I am sitting in a studio space downtown, 6 minutes from the Largest Film stages in the state. I have Union hours as a Grip on two major TV shows. I am starting a internet based network, co-writing a feature, starring in a short, still in love with my girlfriend, and about to have more money and success than I have ever had before in my life.

This April, it will be 8 years that I have been in the mid-west. From being homeless to here. There are still challenges, money is not coming in super strong YET! But it is on it's way. This will be the most successful year of my life.

I survived, I learned, I have constantly pushed my self to be better, and now I have success.

I am not alone anymore, I am not really (kind of still) homeless, I have a great life, a great support system, I am doing what I love with people I love.

Mission accomplished. 

2016 New Year, on to new things.

Well here we go again with that good old universal constant...change.

Underemployed, living in a temporarily good living situation and looking at new horizons. The company that I started with three other guys is still active. My role seems to be somewhat diminished. I am not sure of the next steps of things with that. Lots of stuff that is not what it should be I think, which of course brings me to my mindset of doing things for myself by myself.

I don't want to say that the last two years has been a waste because I have learned two years worth of producing and business that I cannot say I would get anywhere else. What I do know for sure is that I need to be in charge of what I am doing next as much as I can. That is, the next thing that I own I am not going to have any partners and not have anyone else above me making the major decisions. I don't mean that I wont partner with people on projects or work with people. I am simply saying that if it's a matter of a business I own. The buck stops here, or I am not involved.

Which means what?

No equity investment but myself. Well that means I need to get money myself, so that means I have to get back to work. This feels amazing. All of the "if's" associated with the company from last year can go good or bad. Either way I win, either way I am set up for what is next. It's been a rough January, but like all things hard, I seek to be grateful about how much I have learned.

New story

Was up late working on a pitch packet for this project my colleges and I have been building for awhile now and it occurred to me that this story I have been mulling over is finally ready to write. It's exciting but I am struggling to come up with a name for it.

Will put this up on The Castle Muse page as soon as I can get this email situation figured out.

Aeon  I like this name for the main character, because of it's meaning. Kinda cool name for the series or the book not sure.

Aeon Corps.

Aeon Galaxy Corps.

Aeon Galaxy Scouts, Aeon

Three planets in a system that all contain sentient, developed civilizations at different levels of development. All within sub-light speed distance of each other. In fact the three planets are so close to each other that each thinks the other two are moons until the most modern of the three begins to develop astronomy and observe.

The first planet is a -2 planet is Seeped in Newer Star energy based Magic and the "Star Royalty" "gods" presence is strongest there very few titans left. Most developed Civilization has Airships and magic assisted flight. This planet is closest to the systems star.

The second is a -4 planet is ruled by Titans and Dragons and Various Humanoid Empires some Star Royalty Presence. The Titans still are the main "gods" on the planet and the magic is older here. Dragon Ancients may have traveled between worlds. Some evidence of Galactic Class Star Behemoth activity on this planet.

The third is type 0 civilization. Almost to the Hyper modern era. Pre Global information system, some aerospace development from the most advanced civilizations. Humans and elven species dominate world. Advance Projectile weapons, and Meta-humans beginning to emerge. Almost no Titan level species present, Star Royalty presence less than 5 Alpha's detected on the whole planet.

Planet three is furthest from the systems star and has the largest ellipses, has the most moons, 3. One seems to show signs of Titan activity.

Around the Bend...

This doesn't always make sense, in fact you might say that it literally is part of the clinical definition of insanity.

But the next big thing in my life is ..."just around the bend".

Of course it's been said simplistically that clinical insanity is partly defined as doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. Which is only part of the definition but the part that is often quoted the most.

I guess what I am really talking about are these cycles of hope that I seem to live off of day after day.

Continuous faith (no other word can describe this) that better things are coming.

Podcasti stuff, 4 hours...

Basically my day was a bunch of meeting this morning then social media iNet stuff. Then I get a call about doing podcasts, how much are they etc etc. I thought ok, mic, mixer, streaming service, video, editing, etc. $2-5k depending on the equipment...then I did more research...NOPE $100.00 for bare bones...Yeah I need to do the podcast for myself like right now...


Got 4 hours of sleep in the middle of the day, no sleep last night...working/writing all night. AAAAnd I feel great.

Guts and a Bright Futue

Right now I am really glad I have this blog. Even though not many people are reading it, it's still getting done. Someday I hope some of all of this means something. It's strange, but ten years ago I firmly believed that the only proof I existed was the hand written novel outlines I had in a backpack that I was wondering through some California deserts with. Yes I was homeless, not for a super long time, but I was in a really bad way for several years. No, not drugs or Alcohol, it was just how my life was going at the time. The specter of that time in my life always haunts me. My test of guts.

 It's like I know it can happen, because it did, so it can happen again.

Yet I feel like I am fighting constantly to...evolve. Change is not a big enough word. My situation, my place in life must get better. So, I am sacrificing constantly, every day. Everyday what I am making is what I believe is steady, incremental movement towards that permanent life evolution that makes it so the homeless time of wandering wont' happen again. At least as much as anyone can control that.

This is the crazy part, the thing that is keeping me up.

It's over.

I did it, it just hasn't kicked in yet.

I put together a team and we have found some things that are going to change everything for us. And no, it's not one movie that is going to save the day. Yes I still work in that business, and yes I have movies/tv shows that are in my future. But this is something else.

I can't actually say specifically what it is, just that my team is continuing its Vett and we maybe on a 3 month window to permanent evolution.

The absolutely nuts part of this part is that so many other things are going crazy right now and could be seen as bad. More than that, whats really cool. Is that I am juggling a ton of different stress, and stressed out people. 6 months ago got me prepared for this time. I am growing and learning so much and it's paying off almost every week.

I am leading multiple teams, and groups of people through several different things. From business to family issues(that have never ever come up before, too strange.)

On the bad side, I don't live in my own house, I have no car, I have a suspended license, my cell phone is about to be shut off, and my girlfriend now lives 2 hours away from me. Cell phone is the latest thing, but I have a feeling that's going to be remedied soon. Everything else has been an issue that has been workable for months now. The girlfriend and I just had our 2 year anniversary and I couldn't be happier. Distance is being worked out! This bad side stuff is going to super gone in three months, I am fairly confident if not then very soon after that time frame.

All of this stuff is banging around in my head and I should be freaking out, but I just am not. I keep thinking about the color of the carpet in the office I am going to have...(am chuckling as I write this) I really want to do the Ogilvy &Mather classic English Red...maybe a deeper maroon...who knows. What a silly thing to keep you up until 4am.

When they ask me what the first thing I did was when this all happened, I will say "Got new carpet"

Wow, now I can't sleep because I want to get to work...
Why not, the future is really bright and so is this sunrise.

Downswing days

On a day like today it is important to keep perspective. It would appear on the surface by looking at the raw happenings of the morning that things have an negative bend to them.

Family issue's from last night that are states away that only I seem to be able to piece together solutions to....by pushing others to keep on caring and not saying the old "pray and walk away".

Professionally one of my directors once again getting physically upset that things are not stellar good news, just more business BS. Don't get me wrong I get it. It drives me crazy as well. I have some different reasons why it's driving me nuts in addition to the natural "we have good profitable product, and no one is buying" frustration.

Some people are already banking on my good fortune to help them (which is fine, I get that too) so every time nothing happens it is longer that people that are suffering needlessly in my mind are continuing to do so.

My health is going up and down, now I have some sort of serious un-diagnosed allergy that causes my tongue to swell up in my mouth while I am sleeping...joy. Yes, have been to a doctor, going to a specialist as soon as money allows. ER bills hurray!!

While I am writing this...no joke, collection agents super aggressive phone call on the phone that normally I don't pick up but picked it up because of the work I am doing now. When it rains it snows sometimes. Wow, got my heart rate up.

That's exactly the kind of thing I am talking about, that guy on the phone I could have just hung up on. Didn't have to engage, for some reason I engaged and he got me to get into an argument. Not the right move on my part, but I let my downswing effect keeping my eye on the ball(prize).

When I started this post, I had a positive buzz and was determined to move through the negative energy that was being spewed about at the creative breakfast I had this morning. Not all the directors, mostly circumstances that didn't equal result all around the table making for a bad vibe. People in the restaurant even where grumpy.

The point is!!!!

In baseball you don't connect with the ball on the downswing, so there is 'zero' chance to hit the ball at that point, so naturally your only focus should be at the most likely point to contact the ball to make some sort of hit, if your going to hit it at all.

Your downswing can effect where you swing, so where your connect and your likely hood to get a hit/homer. So it's important, if you start your downswing thinking your gonna wiff it, %99.9999 of the time you will. No matter how it feels you can't judge the swing as the batter until that bat is over the opposite shoulder, hit, homer or strike. The mentality before the upswing has gotta stay positive. Statistically your just more likely to connect!!